Ok, its not another hate filled rant - its something serious and a bit of a downer (and a little whiney), so if you're in a good mood and don't want to be put down, stop reading now.

You have been warned.

Lately, I've become aware of a change in myself, and I can't say that I'm happy about it. To put it simply, I feel like I'm constantly irritated. Those of you who pay attention to my hate-filled rants over the past few weeks will probably have noticed this. Everything's been irritating me, even things that aren't particularly irritating. While I would usually discount something like this as just having a bad month, I've noticed that its beginning to affect my work.

I keep finding excuses to go into uni later and leave earlier, because I feel like I'm just sitting there seething for no good reason. I have a growing feeling of contempt for the people in my team, which is bad because they aren't bad people and don't do anything in particular to make me dislike them. Understandably, this is affecting my work, since I don't want to be there I leave earlier and work doesn't get done (theoretically, just as much work gets done).

Its not just uni though, everything is irritating me, especially when there's a lot of other people around. I get irritated when I work. I get irritated when I don't work. I get irritated when I stay at home. I get irritated when I go out. I can't seem to focus on anything. When I want to draw, if I can muster myself to it, my hands don't seem to do what I want them to. It feels like I'm going backwards in my art rather than forwards.

I've actually had this happen to me before - at the end of GCSE's, I was getting angrier and angrier everyday becuase I was sick of my school, the anal teachers and two-faced people I was surrounded by. I really hated it, and it got really bad. In the end I had to change school, and havn't talked to most of the people I left behind since. Its different this time, since I don't hate the course - I still want to be at the AUCB, and my friends don't irritate me. A lot of other people irritate me, though.

I calm down quite a bit when I get home at the end of the day and relax for a while, but it all stirs up again the next day. Thinking about how I've been over the part few weeks is actually upsetting. It even turned what should have been a fine holiday into two weeks of sheer aggrivation. The thought occured to me that maybe my depression had returned, but before I just didn't sleep and felt like crying all the time, rather than being irritated.

Ah, I've lost my train of thought. Anyway, that's my serious thing. I've been thinking that maybe I should let someone know. A tutor or something.